What do you think matters most to your children?
You driving them to lessons and clubs, or is it the smile and hug you greet them with after school? If you guessed the latter, you are most likely correct.
Erin Kurt, a “stress-free parenting coach” has done her research over the years and it’s really quite fascinating to read her conclusions. Every Mother’s Day she would ask her students to give her advice on being a mother. They were to think about things their mother or guardian did for or with them that made them feel happy or loved. The classroom would go silent as the students wrote intensely for longer than they had ever written before. Often smiles would appear on their faces as they reflected on the happy experiences they were remembering. After reading their responses she would add to a list all the ideas they mentioned. Surprisingly, many of the responses were the same. Year after year, in every country she taught, and in every type of demographic, the students were saying the same things and had the same message: It’s the small things that their mothers did that meant the most and that they remembered.
Many mums today feel as if they are not good mothers unless they are racing around, shuttling their children from lessons, to practices and back to lessons again. There are mothers who want to give their children every opportunity they did not have. While this thinking might bring the mother some comfort, it really does not do the same for their child who is potentially feeling overextended, stressed and tired.
After speaking endlessly about this topic with her students, it became clear that children today are involved in too many activities and are in turn becoming less in touch with themselves and their families. In addition, former students partaking in the research really wished for more time to “just play”. Of course many of them enjoy their extra curricular activities, but it is not necessary they said to be allowed to do everything. What they enjoyed most, and what made their hearts happiest was when their mothers did simple things for or with them.
Here is a list of the top ten things students around the world said they remembered and loved most about their mothers.
- Come into my bedroom at night, tuck me in and sing me a song. Also tell me stories about when you were little.
- Give me hugs and kisses and sit and talk with me privately.
- Spend quality time just with me, not with my brothers and sisters around.
- Give me nutritious food so I can grow up healthy.
- At dinner talk about what we could do together on the weekend.
- At night talk to me about about anything; love, school, family etc.
- Let me play outside a lot.
- Cuddle under a blanket and watch our favorite TV show together.
- Discipline me. It makes me feel like you care.
- Leave special messages in my desk or lunch bag.
Children are wiser than we think and tend to see the world more simply than we do. Perhaps it is time we start taking their advice. Maybe we would all feel a little less stressed and be satisfied with the fact that doing little things really is… good enough.
Read more about Erin on her website http://www.erinparenting.com/